It's a Wonderful Life
by Music-MyLove
Summary: Princess in Love "I was wishing the floor of the gym would open up, like in It's a Wonderful Life..." Mia wishes she was never born, find out about the world without Mia Thermopolis
1. Before

A/N: Hey all. This is my take on what happens when Mia has a really bad day, and then wishes she was never born! See what happens to her family and friends, and please make me a happy person and tell me to keep on with this story! Thanks much – Tori  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the idea for this story.  
  
IMPORTANT: Although the quote from the third book is in the summary, this is before Mia and Michael got together. So I shall say it takes place during Princess in Love, Kenny and Mia have broken up, and Mia and Michael aren't together. And no, it's not a Missing Moment thing, after the Winter Carnival and before the Dance, just GO with it please. Thanks.  
  
And now, it's time for the story.  
  
............  
  
I awoke to the sounds of mom yelling. Again. "Mia! You're going to be late for school if you don't get up now!" I glanced at the clock on her bedside table. "Okay, okay, I'm up! Is it really a quarter to eight? Did Lilly leave already?"  
  
"Lilly came by, with Michael, but you were sleeping like a rock. How late were you up last night on the computer?" "Not late at all, Mom. Seriously," I replied. Wait, Michael came with Lilly? "Come on Mia, get dressed quickly!"  
  
I hopped downstairs, trying to put on my other shoe, while also trying not to fall down. "Alright, I'm ready. Well, on the outside anyway. It's not like I'm ever ready for school in a mental sense." "Mia, you're smart, you just have to work harder on your Algebra than you do for other things. And work harder on getting up at the right time." I made a face, then exited the loft. "See you later!" Oh, boy. Lilly was not going to be happy.  
  
............  
  
Lilly: But we were supposed to meet up before school and go over our essays for World Civilizations today Mia! Hello, does that crown weigh your head down so much that it makes your brain shrink?  
  
Me: I'm sorry, okay Lilly? I'm sorry I'm human, and that I overslept today.  
  
Lilly: Oh, but wait. While we were going to go over our essays, Michael was going to go over your algebra homework! He got up earlier than he usually does, to come all the way over here to meet up with you, and look at the problems you had to do, and see if you got them all right! And now look what you're doing! Just because you overslept, I'm actually siding with Michael!  
  
Me: Well, you know what Lilly, while that's really nice of your brother and all, to offer to help with my homework, maybe he should remember one little thing: my algebra teacher lives with me! So he doesn't need to help me with my homework any more than you need me to go over your stupid essay with you.  
  
Lilly: Fine, Mia. Fine. If you want to act like the superior one around here, go right ahead. Be my guest. But you should know, Mia, that acting superior can lead to dire consequences. Consequences that can only be fixed if you step down once in a while, do you know what I mean?  
  
I just ignored her. She figured that this was Lilly talking from experience. The acting superior part, anyway.  
  
............  
  
Later, in G&T, I wasn't talking to Lilly, Lilly wasn't talking to me, and to top it all off, Michael was trying to avoid me when I needed help factoring polynomials. While Lilly was talking to Boris about Mahler, Michael was working on his laptop.  
  
Me: Hey Michael! Mr. G. just gave us a lesson on factoring polynomials, plus fifteen questions for homework, so I was hoping you could help me out a little here. It looks so confusing.  
  
I was expecting Michael to look up, get up, and start tutoring me. I hoped that while I would learn about factoring, his knee would brush against mine, or that I could breathe in that clean, Ivory soap smell that was part of him everyday.  
  
Except Michael didn't look up. He just stared determinedly at the screen, typing away.  
  
Michael: I thought you said you didn't need any help anymore.  
  
Me: What?  
  
Michael: Lilly told me that you said you didn't need help anymore, now that Mr. G. is living with you and all. That's why you didn't come with us this morning, right?  
  
Me: No, Michael, that's-  
  
Michael: Really, Mia, it's okay. I realize that Mr. G. is, you know, a much better algebra tutor than I am. He's the algebra teacher, I'm just the student.  
  
Me: Who got accepted into Columbia, early decision! Come on, Mr. G. is going to be busy with the baby and all!  
  
Michael just shook his head.  
  
Michael: I'll help you when the baby actually comes, okay? For now I have some things to do. I'm going to try to redo the layout for Crackhead.  
  
And that was the end of that conversation. I really could not believe this. Did I just make Michael mad at me? Was he hurt? Or was he angry? Either way, I had no one really to talk to now in G&T, since Lilly wasn't speaking to me (and I wasn't speaking to Lilly), and Michael was busy with those "things to do", and I was not going to try and strike up a conversation with Boris Pelkowski.  
  
So, I took out my math textbook, and proceeded to make sense of the convoluted language of Algebra I.  
  
............  
  
At lunch, Tina showed me the new romance novel that she was reading. It was all about a girl who left her past life behind, along with her one true love, and started a new life. Only the girl realizes that her past is the life that she actually loves and tries to go back, and try to get the guy to forgive her for leaving him. Tina read the end already, so she already knows that that they do get together.  
  
Except I was feeling a little queasy. Maybe it was the lunch I was eating (vegetarian lasagna), or maybe it was the fact that Michael was avoiding me. I really felt like I was going to hurl, so I told Tina how sorry I was, that I needed to go to the nurse. She looked a little crestfallen, but then brightened right back up and said, "I hope you feel better then, Mia!"  
  
Lars and I visited the nurse, and sure enough she let me go home.  
  
............  
  
Once home, mom wanted to know if I needed anything, besides rest. She kept on coming in my room and asking me if I wanted a magazine, a movie, hot chocolate, anything! Finally, I snapped, and decided to yell at her for nagging me about all of this when I was sick. She looked pretty miffed about being yelled at, muttered something about just wanting to help, and left me alone. The phone rang, mom went to get it, and came back saying it was for me.  
  
I was hoping for it to be Tina, calling to ask how I was feeling. I was hoping it would be Lilly, calling to apologize. But most of all, I was hoping it would be Michael, calling to say that he couldn't bear the onus of keeping his secret love for me a secret much longer.  
  
I never, ever, hoped it would be Grandmére, calling to tell me that I had to come to the Plaza today for (can you believe it?) another princess lesson. I told her I was sick, and she actually chided me for being sick and also for saying I couldn't come to princess lessons because I was sick. Sickness was obviously no excuse. After that wonderful conversation, I totally hit the wall with my hand.  
  
"WHY ME?" I cried. "Why do I have to be the one with all the problems?"  
  
All of a sudden, I got this mental image of Michael. "What problems could you have, Thermopolis?"  
  
I screamed out of frustration, grabbed a hoodie, and told my mom I was going out. I ran for I don't know how long. I finally ended up in Central Park, next to the polar bears. I cried and cried and cried for a while. I thought about Lilly, Michael, Mom, Grandmére, being a princess, failing Algebra, Mr. G., and found it unfair that it was people like Lana who never had to experience. I really could not take the pressure anymore.  
  
"I wish I was never born! Do you hear me? Anyone? I wish I was never born!"  
  
"Okay," said a voice that I recognized vaguely, "You've never been born. Welcome to a world without Mia Thermopolis."  
  
............ A/N: Button, button, who's got the button? Oh lookee, its in the lower left corner. Why don't you submit a review, eh? Updates are coming soon, I think I like where this is going, which is rare. 


	2. Mom, Dad, Mr G, Grandmere

A/N: Hopefully you all know what the plot is by now… in the movie _It's a Wonderful Life_, the guy makes a wish that he was never born and is granted that wish. He sees life without him, and then realizes how good he had it, how good others had it because of him. And it's all of that, except it's in Mia's POV. I really have no clue when this takes place. Don't ask me that. I tried thinking about it, but it really just messed me up. Thanks for reviewing!

Disclaimer: I don't own the movie, nor the book, nor the characters. I only own the idea for making this story. Which is not a lot at all. Whatever.

It's story time! cue mc hammer music

 "I wish I was never born! Do you hear me? Anyone? I wish I was never born!"

"Okay," said a voice that I recognized vaguely, "You've never been born. Welcome to a world without Mia Thermopolis."

"WHOA!" I said. I said "whoa" for 3 reasons. First, because, I mean, strangers know I'm the princess, but they usually say Amelia Renaldo, not Mia Thermopolis. Second, I didn't think anyone really was listening. Third, the person just said that I was never born. "Who just said that?" I spun around and found myself facing a guy about as old as Grandmére, whose face I knew, but couldn't really place. "Who… who are you?" The man just smiled and said, "Don't you know me? My name's Clarence Oddbody. I'm an angel here to grant the request that you've never been born." In my mind, I was going, "Clarence Oddbody? Wasn't he that angel from _It's a Wonderful Life_? Who is this guy?" The 'angel' spoke up, "I'm Clarence Oddbody." "Oh, my God!" I exclaimed, "You can read minds?" "In a way, yes," he said, then continued, "but only because I'm an angel. I've got my wings already, so while I might be helping you out somewhat, there's not much in it for me." I had completely lost my power of speech. I could only stare at him. Then a thought occurred to me. "You're Henry Travers, aren't you. Can I have your autograph? You were absolutely marvelous in that movie as Clarence the angel." Clarence, or, Henry, just gave me a look and said, "I'm not Henry Travers. I'm _the _Clarence Oddbody. The angel. And if I was Henry Travers, I'd be a ghost. Henry Travers died in 1965. So either way you're in contact with the afterlife."

I took a deep breath. "Okay. Uh-huh. Sure, you're not Henry Travers, but you have your wings? That happened in the movie, buddy." He replied, "Yes, but the bell actually rang, didn't it? I got my wings when they filmed that bell ringing."

And… another deep breath. "Alright _Clarence_, I'm just going to head on back home okay? Thanks for the conversation pal." So, I began walking back to the loft. Only I felt a little weirder. Maybe it was the interesting conversation I just had with "Clarence", or maybe it was the way people were looking at me, or rather, _not _looking at me. It felt kind of cool, like it was all back to the way it was before I was outed. I mean, well, you know what I mean. People weren't staring at me. But a little teeny part of me kept on going, "What if they're not staring at you, even glancing at you, because you don't exist?" Stupid, I know, but that kept on happening. I was fully prepared with an explanation for my mom for why I ran out of the loft like that. I hit the buzzer for my mom to unlock the door, when her voice asked politely, "Who's there?" "It's Mia, Mom. Can you let me up please? I'm sorry for running out on you like that," I said. She spoke up again. "Mia?" I replied, "Yeah, Mom, it's me, and it's kind of getting a bit chilly, even though I have a hoodie on, so could you please let me up?" And again, she spoke, "Sorry honey, you must have the wrong place. I don't have a daughter."

I stamped my foot. "Mom, this isn't funny, for all I know I could be getting more sick exposed to the elements." Then I noticed I stopped feeling sick. The bruise I had gotten from hitting the wall before when Grandmére called was gone. Then Mom started speaking again, "Look, is this some kind of joke? I don't know who you are really, but if you're hungry, I'm sure Philippe can bring you an apple or something." Dad was here? What was Dad doing here? 30 seconds later, the door opened and there stood Dad, except he wasn't wearing a suit. He was wearing sweatpants and zip-up sweatshirt that said "_Jacket_sonville". What was going on here? Did he have a hat that said "Talla_hat_see" as well? "Um, Dad, where's your suit?" He looked completely and totally taken off guard. "Did you just say 'Dad'? Here's your apple, girl, and if you need anymore food, well, don't hesitate to ask." I stared at him while he went back inside and closed the door. He didn't look back at me.

"Didn't I tell you? You were never born, you don't exist!" I turned around. "Clarence," I whispered, "is this for real?" He just nodded and motioned for me to follow him. We went up the fire escape and peered into the window. At first I didn't realize it, but this was my room, except it had been made into a sort of guest bedroom. The walls looked really blank, without my Greenpeace posters and my NSYNC calendars and whatnot. After that, I went back down the fire escape and started talking to Clarence again. "So. What's the deal with my mom and dad? Where's Mr. G.?"

"Well, your mom and dad are living together, but they're not married. Your dad abdicated in favor of a life without the media interfering. Your mom is still exactly the way you picture her. She supports the two of them with her artwork. As for Mr. G., well, he teaches still teaches Algebra, but he is very lonely and wishes he had a family." For like the millionth time that day, I stared. "My _dad_ abdicated? For real, _my_ dad? What about Genovia? What about Grandmére?"

Clarence replied, "Genovia no longer exists. It was divided between France and Italy and the people who lived there are now either French or Italian. Your Grandmére was so disgraced that your father abdicated that she went to live in her summer home in France. She lives there all alone now. She's gone a bit mad too." For some reason, I wasn't surprised by this. I didn't feel much sympathy for her. All of a sudden the world around us started fading, then coming back into focus. It was the summer home in France, but not the summer home like I remembered it. It was graffiti-fied with ridiculous things like "Genovia est stupide" and stuff like that. I found myself going, "Poor Grandmére…" involuntarily. Amazing. Not even half an hour of nonexistence had gone by and I was already thinking this was a bad idea.

The world around us started to fade again, and then suddenly we were right back at the foot of the fire escape. While I was still feeling sorry for Grandmére (the weirdest feeling ever), I felt I needed to press on. "What about Tina and Lilly? What about Kenny? _Michael_. What happened to Michael?" I looked Clarence in the eye, but he just turned away, shaking his head. "Mia…" he began, then faltered. I was beginning to like this less and less. I figured if he didn't want to tell me, it wasn't going to be good. So I conceded and said, "Alright, show me Tina and Lilly then. Where are they? In school?" Clarence replied, "Yes… and no."

A/N: Okay, so this was a dream and I swear I woke up in tears and sweat. It was _so _sad. Thank you dreams. You solve writer's block quite quickly. AhemdeepannouncervoiceAhem What are Tina's and Lilly's lives like without Mia? Find out next update. Michael shouldn't be around in that update. Though perhaps in the one after that. I'm not really sure how many people I'm going to focus on. Curious about Michael's life without Mia? Oh, 'tis a sad, heart wrenching one. That's all I'm saying. Review, people, it brings a smile to my otherwise depressed face.


	3. Tina, Lana, Kenny, LILLY?

_Disclaimer_ – only because some people find it necessary. I don't own The Princess Diaries and I don't own _It's a Wonderful Life_. The movie, that is. I disclaim.

_A/N_ – thanks for being great people and reviewing… I'm going to try not to let you guys down… and while I am technically not part of the Save the Trees movement, I did throw rocks at the guys who cut down the trees interfering with the telephone wires. Not heavy ones though. Big enough that they got the message that I didn't like what they were doing.

And in case you didn't notice, the whole Genovia ceasing to exist thing was taken from the movie.

_Previously in It's a Wonderful Life…_

"What about Tina and Lilly? What about Kenny? _Michael_. What happened to Michael?" I looked Clarence in the eye, but he just turned away, shaking his head. "Mia…" he began, then faltered. I was beginning to like this less and less. I figured if he didn't want to tell me, it wasn't going to be good. So I conceded and said, "Alright, show me Tina and Lilly then. Where are they? In school?" Clarence replied, "Yes… and no."

Again the world around us started fading, then coming back into focus, and I found myself outside the cafeteria of Albert Einstein High School. I looked back at Clarence, but he wasn't there. I took a deep breath, then went into the cafeteria. Almost immediately I spotted Tina. She was sitting by herself, eating her lunch, and reading another romance novel. When I say sitting by herself, well, that means she had no friends. There was only Wahim.

This was the Tina I knew of before I ever sat down to eat lunch with her, back when Lilly and I had a fight. Except this Tina looked considerably more depressed. I was about to go over and talk to her when someone brushed past me, causing me to almost lose my balance. "Watch where you're going, freak!" Oh, my God, who else could that be but Lana! I followed her indiscreetly to where Tina was sitting. Lana opened her big, fat mouth and said, "Tina, you know, the sign says that it's against the law for there to be more than 500 people in here at one time. I think we both know that you shouldn't really be allowed to occupy the space of two people. It really isn't fair."

I saw Wahim open his mouth, but I was seeing red by this time. I figured, hey, if I don't exist, then I can tell off Lana and not receive a downgrade on the social scale. And plus, it would make Tina-without-Mia a bit happier. So, I went up and tapped Lana on the shoulder, "Hey. You're going to apologize." In the most menacing voice I could muster. (A/N: woot woot alliteration!) Lana gave me this little giggle, and said, "And you are…?" I was totally ready for this. "Your worst nightmare," I said. Lana just stared, Tina just stared, the whole cafeteria just stared, until Lana started laughing hysterically. She was laughing so hard, tears were running down her fake-tanned cheeks. And I decided to relive my two most triumphant moments ever. I grabbed Tina's Nutty Royale, coned Lana, and while she was screaming at me, I grabbed her stupid pink cell phone and crushed it with my heel. As I did that, Lana had tears all right, but they were not because she was happy. Oh, no. She was absolutely furious. And then I heard applause. I received a standing ovation from the entire cafeteria, except from Lana and her minions, of course. And Tina was staring at me with a mixture of awe, gratitude, and "who the hell are you". I was about to leave it at that, except I forgot one more thing.

I grabbed Lana by the collar and told her once more to apologize. She stammered out an apology and then fled, into the girls' bathroom no doubt, followed by her friends. Tina in the meantime, became the Tina I knew now. I guess without me, being the resident freak of AEHS, Tina got it doubly hard from Lana. And of course, Lana was still Lana. Anyway, she showed me her new book, and started on about the heroine. I stayed for a little while. I needed a little bit of my life back, and this was one way to get it. The bell rang, and Tina had to get to class, but she wanted to know if I wanted to sit with her at lunch tomorrow. Of course, I said yes, even though I was sort of hoping that Clarence (where was he, anyway?) would give me back my life by the end of the day. Perhaps even before that would be nice.

So, while Tina went off to French class, I decided to go look around for Lilly and Michael. I was nearing the room where I usually would have G&T, when I heard Clarence say, "You know, you were right." I spun around so fast, I think I almost broke my neck! "What was I right about? Where were you? " I said. He replied, "I was here the whole time. Don't you think it's a bit weird to see an angel when you're in school?" I nodded my head in understanding. If I was in school and saw someone like him, I would have thought he was a desperate paparazzo. And then would have Lars knock him out. I opened my mouth to ask what I was right about, when he held up a hand. "You were right about Tina. She is having a hard time of it, _double_ in fact, because you don't exist. She's more depressed than she could have ever been, and the fact that she has Wahim to follow her around doesn't help very much." I opened and closed my mouth several times. I must have seemed like a fish or something. "Oh. Right. Well, I'm going to find Michael and Lilly. So I don't know if you want to disappear again, because…" I trailed off there. Clarence said, "I'll disappear, but not because you're going to find Michael and Lilly. Kenny's coming. He wants to talk to you." And with that, he went and vanished.

Kenny? Oh, my God. I couldn't. I could NOT talk to Kenny Showalter, anime freak. That's when I heard a sound that could only mean that Kenny was running down the hall, down to talk to me. "Hey! Hey! Wait up one sec? Can I talk to you?" I took a deep breath and turned around. Kenny was definitely still Kenny. Except more pale, more gawky, and more, well, clumsy. "Um, hi," I said, very enthusiastic, you could so tell. Kenny stopped when he neared me and leaned against the wall while catching his breath. Yeah, he was also out of shape. Definitely not the kind of guy you would expect to be in army fatigues for Halloween. "Hi! gasp My name's Kenny! What's yours?" he asked. So I told him my name, and then he proceeded to tell me how he really admired my standing up to Lana in the cafeteria. How he thought it was very Josie from _Josie and the Pussycats_ of me to do that. How he thought we should get to know each other better, hang out more.

I knew where this was going. I really could not back out of it again. This was Kenny for sure, but except a bit more pathetic. And besides, I wanted, no, more like _needed_ to find Lilly and Michael. I needed to see Lilly and Michael. Especially Michael. He had to be here somewhere.

So I told Kenny to eat lunch with me and Tina tomorrow, even though I was hoping once again that wouldn't have to be the case. His entire face lit up and he ran off, but not before giving me his screen name: _JoC4princess_.

Very, very scary.

Clarence showed up after Kenny left. "Remember when I answered 'yes and no' to the question you had about Tina and Lilly still being in school?"

All of a sudden it hit me, like a Mack truck. Tina, yes. Lilly, no. Whoa.

_A/N: ooo it's a cliffie!! ok ok before you get mad, its not a real cliffie. In other words, there is more.. It's all happening in the next update. However, the next update is on hiatus for about 2 ½ weeks, due to the fact that I'M GOING TO __ENGLAND__ AND __IRELAND__ YAY! for two weeks. I'm leaving on the first of July, with a fair amount of people from my school (school trip), and I swear to you, kind reviewers and readers, that I will be writing on the plane trip there, the times when I'm not being a tacky tourist, and the plane trip back. I know I'm not being very kind about this, and I'm extremely, extremely sorry, and I'm also sorry for not updating quickly-er, but I was packing, and my mom was ready to go psycho on me for not packing "the right way". Anyway, I'm sorry again, I hope you guys can forgive me, and um, read some more TPD fanfiction. It's healthy. Really, it is. _


	4. Lilly, and the big glob of guilt

A/N: I'm back! YAY! England and Ireland was a blast! There were so many hot guys, and there was one hotel manager who looked like Nick Valensi from the Strokes! another YAY! but it's good to be home. because i actually had to pay to read fanfiction in a cybercafe. geez. and now i read it 24/7, just like before! anyway so thanks for all the really really really great reviews. and if you review, say shshshakin if you like rooney, woot woot if you like team fresh, huzzah if you like johnny depp, and a big YEAH if you like bands like the strokes, the hives, phantom planet, the vines, the list goes on.  
  
Disclaimer: i only claim the idea for this story.  
  
Previously in It's a Wonderful Life:  
  
Clarence showed up after Kenny left. "Remember when I answered 'yes and no' to the question you had about Tina and Lilly still being in school?"  
  
All of a sudden it hit me, like a Mack truck. Tina, yes. Lilly, no. Whoa.  
  
Again the world around us started fading, then coming back into focus. I laughed, nervously I might add, and asked Clarence, "Is this really necessary? The whole fading thing? And, you know, we could just forget I ever wished I was never born. I see now that that was really stupid of me. I mean, everyone's just kind of sad. Well, maybe more than just kind of, but you know what I mean. Um, so can we just forget this whole stupid thing, and let me go back to my life?"  
  
I don't know what I was expecting. I know I was hoping Clarence would smile and say, "Okay Mia, I mean, I can see you've learned your lesson, so all is forgiven. Have a nice life." Or something like that.  
  
But I never, ever, expected Clarence to just look at me, then raise one hand and point to a sign that said: Nassau County Correctional Center.   
  
Lilly was in a Correctional Center.  
  
My best friend in the entire world was in a Correctional Center.  
  
You know what that means, right?  
  
Lilly was incorrect!   
  
I knew, then, that this was bad. This was very very very bad. I felt a desperate need to run away from this place, but there was a teeny little problem: Clarence was walking towards it. I stood absolutlely still. No freakin' way I was going in there. No freakin' way. I might be scarred for life (ha! I dont' have a life) if I saw what happened to Lilly. Clarence turned around said, "Come on then. You have an appointment to see her." Crap.  
  
So, I took a deep breath, and started to follow him. Before we reached the doors, he turned to me and said, "Before I disappear, you are Nina Acropolis and you are here to see the Vitz." And then he disappeared.  
  
Nina Acropolis? The Vitz? If this wasn't so serious, I would probably be laughing, maybe even in hysterics. But it was for real, so I took another deep breath, and entered the building. Almost immediately a short, fat, guy with lots of rings on his fingers asked, "Name?" in a heavy Italian accent. I was still kind of dazed, but I managed to stutter out, "N-Nina Acropolis? I'm here to see the, uh, Vitz?" He checked a clipboard he had on him and motioned for me to follow him. After a couple of hallways, we reached this big room where there were a bunch of tables. He told me to sit down at one while he went to find the Vitz.   
  
I really needed to sit. And to be alone for awhile. Let this all soak in. Except I didn't even have a minute to myself when this girl with crazy hair sat down with me at the table. I noticed she had a tattoo on her arm. It was a heart, but instead of it saying "Mom" inside, like the cheesy ones you expect bikers to have, it said "Djugasvili". It sounded familiar, yet extremely odd. And then i looked at her other arm that had "Lenin" tattooed down the forearm.  
  
I couldn't help it. I shrieked kind of loudly and said, "Lilly? Is that really you?" Lilly turned really pale. Then she turned really red.   
  
"Don't you ever, EVER call me Lilly. No one calls me that. Not even my own parents call me that. How the hell did you know my name was Lilly? Who the hell are you, anyway?" I replied with, "What about Michael? What does he call you? Does he come to visit you?"  
  
If possible, Lilly turned even redder. "How do you know about Michael?" Except this time, she whispered. Stupid me, I kept going, "I know a lot about Michael. He likes Star Trek, he's amazingly smart, he's been accepted into Columbia, early decision, he helps me with algebra, he's really nice to everyone, except for Josh and Lana and the whole A-crowd." I was starting to forget where I was, that I didn't exist. "He hangs with us on Friday nights, I mean he doesn't have to, he's really nice and everything. He doesn't mind if I ask him weird questions like who he would spend post-nuclear Armaggedon with, and --" Lilly interrupted. "Shut. Up," she said. "I don't know who you think you are, but I sure know what you are. You're crazy. Crazy insane in the membrane, that's you. You are loco en la cabeza. I don't hang on Friday nights, especially with you, I don't freakin' know you. I don't know how you knew so much about Michael, but geez can you at least be a little sensitive if you know that much about him? Michael's the only one who ever cared for me you know."  
  
There was a bit of a silence, then I asked, "But what about your parents? They care about you Lilly. I care about you."  
  
Lilly gave this little hollow laugh and said, "Yeah, okay, sure. Not my parents, though. If they cared so much, they would at least try and spend some more time at home. Then maybe I wouldn't have ended up here. Now there's no one left."  
  
All of a sudden the scene froze. Except for me, and there was one other person. "Clarence? What happened to Lilly?" I asked him.  
  
Clarence launched into an explanation. "Lilly was always a little... different from all the other kids at school. I'm sure you know that." I nodded. "Well, because you weren't there, she felt lonely and insecure. She didn't have anyone else to be friends with, nobody wanted to be friends with the girl who was different and smart. So one day, when she was in sixth grade, she learned about communism, and Karl Marx and Lenin and Stalin and such. Well, she kind of became a - well, to put it lightly, a power freak. She started protests against democracy and then one day she went too far by challenging the president to a duel. And she was right about her parents. They didn't care as much as they should have. They were too fixated on their patients to notice the trouble that their daughter and son were going through."  
  
As the world started fading and coming back into focus, I could make out a broken down house in the suburbs. Glumly, Clarence said, "Welcome to the Moscovitz residence." My mouth fell open. "They live here? What happened to the apartment?" Clarence answered, "Well, because their own family was falling apart, people stopped coming to them for psychiatric help. They figured they would rather have reliable psychiatrists, and pretty soon the Drs. Moscovitz were out of clients."  
  
Something wasn't right. "How come I affect the Moscovitz's so much? My parents seemed happy! Without me!" Clarence held up a hand. "Seemed being the key word there, Mia. Your father doesn't encourage your Mom's painting as much as you did. So she feels no need to paint. She just bags groceries at the general store. And your father doesn't do much. He does odd jobs enough so that they can pay the rent. Window washing, telemarketing, you name it. In truth Mia, they're not happy at all."  
  
I felt a lump in my throat. A big huge glob of guilt. But there was still something not quite right. Quietly, I said, "I want to see Michael."  
  
Clarence just gave me a look, his eyes telling me to ask anything else but that. "Are you sure?"  
  
I swallowed, but the big huge glob of guilt stayed there. "I'm sure."  
  
------------------------------------------  
  
A/N: reprezzent Nassau County! yeah its on Long Island, if you needed that for some reason.  
  
The chapter you've all been waiting for, I know, it's coming up. But first, I need those reviews. with the shshshakin's, woot woot's, huzzah's, and YEAH's.  
  
because you know you want to. because you know you're dying to find out what's going to happen to Mia. celine dion voice because you love me.end voice you really really love me. 


	5. you're dying to know

A/N: This is going to be short, because I know you are all simply waiting with bated breath to learn  
  
Michael's fate, and what happens after. So... a big THANK YOU to all my reviewers, my readers, and my  
  
overly obsessive compulsive TPD freak self. Without all of you, I'd probably be in a correctional center  
  
myself. :)  
  
Disclaimer: sing song voice guess what! I disclaim! Yay! Sorry, I should really try to liven it down a bit...   
  
Previously in It's a Wonderful Life (just realized I subconciously stole that from Gilmore Girls... oh well.):  
  
I felt a lump in my throat. A big huge glob of guilt. But there was still something not quite right. Quietly, I  
  
said, "I want to see Michael."  
  
Clarence just gave me a look, his eyes telling me to ask anything else but that. "Are you sure?"  
  
I swallowed, but the big huge glob of guilt stayed there. "I'm sure."  
  
There was complete silence while Clarence summed me up. "Yes. It's time," he said.  
  
The world started fading out again, but this time I felt a strange sense of foreboding. It was no different  
  
than the previous times it happened, but I guessed it felt different because Clarence was being so weird  
  
about it. In fact, Clarence kept looking up at the sky (or what was going to be the sky, because the world  
  
was starting to come back into focus) and muttering something unintelligible.  
  
I felt the wind blowing against my back, and I smelled... low tide. Slowly, the sore feeling in my stomach  
  
that I get whenever I'm nervous went away. Because I recognized where I was, for once. "Hey," I said to  
  
Clarence, my voice full of self-pride, "we're on the Williamsburg Bridge, aren't we?" As an answer, I  
  
received a dull nod.   
  
Except I wasn't really waiting for Clarence to answer. "So. Where's Michael? He's got to be around here  
  
somewhere, right? We'll see him in a bit, probably with Judith Gershner on his arm or something," I  
  
bitterely said. In split second, my mind took me back to when I did exist. I visualized the two of them,  
  
Michael and Judith, together. The perfect couple: both smart, both have the same interests, and Judith  
  
isn't a princess.   
  
I couldn't pretend like I hadn't been thinking of this, of what was Michael's life without mine. Did I affect  
  
him in anyway? I had made Lilly insecure, made my parents miserable, made Kenny more pathetic,  
  
made Tina more depressed, made Grandmere embarrassed, and who knows what else? Michael must  
  
be affected somehow if his sister was in a correctional facility, and his parents had plummeted straight  
  
down to two words: second mortgage.   
  
Clarence drew in a breath, a bit shakily. But I took no notice. The thought of the two was making me feel  
  
sick. Physically sick. And I knew it wasn't just the smell of low tide. Because I didn't feel this way before.  
  
"Mia," he began, "you're not going to see Michael."  
  
I turned around so quickly, I could swear I heard something crack in the back of my neck. "WHAT? But  
  
this is what I've been holding out for, why I'm still semi-sane! I've been waiting to see what Michael is  
  
doing, and I've been imagining all this crazy stuff. But you're not going to let me see him? So this is it? I  
  
go home now, not knowing? Do I look appreciative of my life yet?"  
  
"I'm sorry," Clarence said. And he did look truly sorry. "Allow me to explain, please. It's not that I'm not  
  
going to let you see him. If things were different..." He started to look a bit wistful, but then he shook his  
  
head. "The point is, it is physically impossible for you to see him."  
  
I felt my eyes beginning to tear. "But why?" I sobbed. "Why can't I see him? What's keeping me from  
  
seeing him?"  
  
Clarence looked a bit impatient, but still truly sorry. "Mia, haven't you figured it out yet? I guess you  
  
haven't. After all the clues, all the hints, I even had to stop you from talking to Lilly. She would have given  
  
it away. Don't you see Mia?" He looked into my eyes, and smiled the saddest smile ever.   
  
"Michael's dead. He threw himself off this very bridge, off this very spot that we're standing on. When he  
  
was sixteen."  
  
I could feel the world spinning underneath me. I felt nothing, only the beating of my heart as it rammed  
  
against my ribcage. Then I felt someone grabbing me by both shoulders, giving me a little shake. "I know  
  
you feel like passing out Mia, but you've got to hear me out if you're going to be truly appreciative of the  
  
life you have... and the life that you give to others." When he said that, I started crying hysterically.   
  
"Michael was the way you always knew him. He was smart, he was funny, and he was talented. But, he  
  
felt no love from anybody, only pressure. Pressure from his parents to get good grades. Pressure from his  
  
sister to be 'less of a jerk, more of a man'. Similarly, pressure from his friends, the few that he had, to be  
  
cool, to get out more. Judith was his girlfriend, but she pressured him to be the perfect guy. He felt that  
  
all anybody needed was for him to be perfect, but he also felt he couldn't give that to them."  
  
While he was saying this, I slid down to the pedestrian path and sat down, crying with my head and arms  
  
on my knees. I knew that this was not really happening, that Michael really didn't kill himself because I  
  
didn't exist.  
  
"You're wrong," Clarence said. "I know that you and everyone else back home didn't know, but Michael  
  
was really considering doing this, except there was just one thing holding him back. And that was you.  
  
You've never pressured him. The day that he thought of throwing himself off the bridge, he came home to  
  
write a suicide note. But there you and Lilly were, watching that movie with Patrick Swayze you love so  
  
much..." I laughed bitterly, in spite of my tears. "Dirty Dancing," I said. "Yes," he said, "that movie. And  
  
you said to him 'Hey Michael, why don't you watch it with us?' Do you remember?" I whispered, "Yes.  
  
And then he said he had some things to do..."  
  
All of a sudden I had a terrible flashback: This morning, when Michael was pissed at me (or was he  
  
hurting?)  
  
I'll help you when the baby actually comes, okay? For now, I have some things to do.  
  
Clarence interrupted my thoughts, saying, "And then what did you say in reply?" I thought back for a  
  
while. "I said... I said 'Oh, come on, whatever it is can wait, right?' Or something like that." Clarence said,  
  
"Yes. And he said in reply, 'Yeah. Yeah, I guess it can wait.' And that day you saved his life. Not exactly  
  
because you asked him to stay, to be a part of something that wasn't stressful, but mostly because after  
  
he said he'd stay, you smiled, and then he decided that you were something to live for."  
  
Now usually, under any other circumstances, I would probably have gotten up and done a victory dance.  
  
Because this proved that Michael Moscovitz did have some feelings for me. Or my smile.   
  
But given the way it was brought up, I started bawling again. I closed my eyes and just cried and cried  
  
and cried until I ran out of tears, and then there was a feeling of nothingness.   
  
...  
  
I'll leave you to pay your respects, but I will be back with the final chapter.  
  
Fare thee well. 


End file.
